Not Worth the Risk
by New Decade
Summary: Eric would risk his life for her and Calleigh would do anything for him...even if it meant breaking his heart. Post 9.01.


I tried to think of a deeper reason Calleigh would break up with Eric other than how I've been writing it recently. I tried looking at it differently and this is what I got.

P. S. If you don't want to read something that is a bit sad, I suggest you come back later. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p>Calleigh found herself repetitively pulling her brush through the same section of hair, the movement was mechanical, she didn't even realize the brush was still in her hand; at this point in time, her mind could barely recognize the fact she was looking at her reflection in her bathroom mirror.<p>

Her mind was trying to process the downs of the day; there weren't any ups to analyze, not for her. She had always tried to find the best of situations, even if it was one insignificant star on a stormy night, it was how she had coped all these years. Today, she didn't have that luxury, though she had put on a brave face for her team at the basketball game. But as she watched from the sidelines, her heart ventured to a different place, a place it had remained all night and would continue to remain.

She wasn't in this distress due to Jesse; they had said their goodbyes back in the morgue, his uniformed body resting on the table. She had found her closure as she said farewell to her first friend at PD, she would miss him, but she knew that wound would heal. What she was concerned with now, couldn't be soothed over as easily, hardly anything could when it involved Eric.

Had Horatio delayed thirty more seconds, there would be the enormous possibility that all of them would have died. Eric hadn't been like the others, he wasn't there when the gas first attacked the lab, he merely stumbled upon it; he had the opportunity to turn around and save himself from what he knew was dangerous. Instead, to Calleigh's dismay, he ran for her, all the way to Firearms. He carried her, her body limp in his arms and each breath slowly making him weaker; he almost died for _her. _

The moment of chivalry sent her mind reeling with possibilities. What if Eric had been the one with her when the fires occurred and not Ryan? Would Eric have done something just as risky in an attempt to rescue her then too? What if another life-or-death situation arose and, to save her, he was put in critical danger?

Calleigh couldn't stand the thought of that happening; she didn't want to be Rose on the door as Jack froze in the Atlantic waters. Calleigh wasn't a damsel in distress that needed saving and, though she knew everything Eric did or would do came from love, she didn't want him to be her rescuer, not when it meant his life would be lost.

As far as she was concerned, she needed to have Eric in her life in some way, shape or form; seeing him at work for two seconds would be substantial, for he would be alive. She would much rather wake up to an empty bed, cold sheets and with no arms around her, than knowing he had left this world.

Yes, she would die for him because she loved him wholeheartedly and she knew that would be why he would die for her. But Calleigh's strength could only stretch so far before it broke and losing Eric, especially if she lost him because he sacrificed himself, would be something she would never be able to bear.

Calleigh remembered last year when she broke down at the Everglades knowing that she potentially had a hand in Eric's near death experience. If she lost it just knowing that he almost died because of her reacting on CSI instinct, how would she be able to handle him dying _for _her? What was worse, a loved one dying at the hand of an accident you had a small part in or the one you love dying because of their own love for you?

She finally set her brush down, her eyes stinging with the tears she refused to let live as she looked at the marble counter top, seeing only two options. Option one was she could say nothing and let him continue putting his life on the line for someone, she thought, wasn't worth it. Option number two was she could end what they had and he wouldn't feel the need to save her.

Calleigh knew which option she was going to take and she knew how she'd have to go about it.

She supposed it was a cliché for her to admit it, but Calleigh always felt honesty was the best policy and she had always made herself tell the truth, especially to those she loved. But being honest with Eric now wasn't going to end in success. Were Calleigh to confess her fears to Eric, she knew what his response would be. His lips would rise into that crooked smile, then he would wrap his strong arms around her waist and comfort her in such a way her fears seem absurd; he would be too apathetic about the situation. However, were she to tell him that she couldn't handle their relationship being this unstable and wanted to take a step back, he wouldn't be able to talk her out of it.

Calleigh sighed, sadly, and bit her lip, hoping it would be enough to stop her heart from breaking, wishing she could find another alternative. Unfortunately, all logical thinking had vanished, a scary concept for Calleigh, and her heart had taken rein, there would be no stopping it. She was going to have to lie, be a hypocrite because she was lying and break Eric's heart in the course of one night.

But Eric was willing to die to save her, so she was willing to lie to protect him…even though she knew she was going to die on the inside because she knew she was going to hurt him. She had been there not too long ago when he said his goodbyes in the locker room; thus she knew how deep that knife would cut. The wound would be deep enough to stab the heart, repeatedly, until all the blood poured out, followed shortly after by your soul. Once your soul returns it's not fully there, for most of your soul is still the one who plunged the knife into your chest.

She prayed that his soul, however, wouldn't vanish like hers did, for then it would be easier for him to move on with life. Calleigh knew the love they had wouldn't diminish overnight, hell, it probably wouldn't for weeks or, in her case, months. But she couldn't play this game anymore, not when the price was his life. It was a game that wasn't worth playing and all she hoped was that he would fall out of love with her and one day fall in love with a woman whose life wasn't in danger as frequently as her own. The thought of Eric with another woman made Calleigh sick to her stomach, but if he was safe and happy, she'd endure it.

Eric was willing to give up his life for her, and so Calleigh was more that willing to sacrifice her happiness for him.

Calleigh heard the sound of Eric's footsteps approaching from down the hall, gradually getting louder as they came closer.

She took a stabilizing breath through her nose before looking at herself in the mirror, silently promising herself the next time she saw her reflection that this heart wrenching task would be completed, and turned to head into the hallway, knowing she was about to begin the end.

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><p>By the following morning, he was gone. They spent one final night together, two hearts broken, though Calleigh put on the convincing act that hers was perfectly intact. She had woken up without his arms around her and her head resting on his chest, instead her head was on his pillow, the scent of his still in the fabric of the pillowcase.<p>

But the house still felt too warm for her to be the only person in the house; she could still sense Eric lurking around somewhere. She listened carefully for the sound of bustling in the bathroom, she heard the opening and closing of her medicine cabinet and the sound of pill containers being thrown into something. A bag?

Her heart stopped mid-beat, for she remembered what Eric had said the night before _"I'll leave in the morning." _

She looked over her shoulder to see the closet drawer opened and all the clothes he had brought with him were missing and only her clothes remained.

The door to the bedroom opened and Eric walked out, dressed in blue jeans and his black collared T-shirt, his duffel bag in hand. His lips only raised slightly when he saw Calleigh was awake. He had been hoping to leave before her alarm woke her up so he wouldn't have to say the final goodbye, but it was clear that a final goodbye was now inevitable.

He walked across the room and took a seat on the bed as Calleigh sat up, his shirt from the day before still around her.

"Um…" Calleigh whispered, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt. "I can give this back to you in a few-."

"Keep it," he insisted. "It looks good on you."

She felt her blood rush to her cheeks and she looked down in light embarrassment at the comment.

They sat in silence, the minutes slowly building up until Eric finally realized that if he didn't leave now, it would be only harder later.

"Well, I'll see you at work," he sighed, standing up.

Calleigh nodded, not trusting her voice to speak, for she knew it would break her well-constructed face and give away how hurt she truly was.

He reached up to stroke a hair a final time, wanting to remember how soft the locks of gold were before he was left to never touch them again. He then rested his hand against her cheek, running his thumb along the bone. Her beautiful green eyes met his brown ones and Eric was certain he saw something; regret, sadness, perhaps? But he figured it was just a trick of the light.

Eric leaned inward to put his lips against hers, amazed to find that she kissed him back. Despite the circumstances, her lips were still soft and warm against his, they were still perfect. He tried to enjoy the final kiss for as long as he could, wanting to remember this feeling, the texture of her lips and how he would trade the world just to experience this for the rest of his life.

But the kiss had to end and neither said anything once it did. They merely shared a final look, a silent goodbye, before Eric left, duffel bag clenched firmly in hand.

She listened to the sound of his footsteps faded until the door opened and closed again—a lifeless silence followed.

"Goodbye," she breathed, her chest collapsing on top of itself in anguish as tears brimmed in her eyes; she forced herself to stop them, she had to be at work in a bit more than an hour. She'd keep outer self strong and professional until her badge was off and she was alone, then she'd break down.

But it was apparent Calleigh was already regretting what she did last night. Her intentions were good and in a few days she'd feel what she did last night was right, but today it seemed like a move that led to a stalemate.

Her whole life, her whole world and her whole heart just walked left in the form of a man. A man who thought she no longer loved him, who thought he could never earn back her trust and who thought she felt they'd be better off as friends. She longed to tell Eric how untrue these words she had said were to mend the hole she had made in his heart and to take him in her arms and hold him until the world stood still. But that was impossible, her mind having been too strong willed to prevent the action from being taken and she lost Eric as a result.

_It was the right thing to do_, she thought to herself, firmly. _You're doing this _for _him. This is for the best._

But now Calleigh wasn't so sure.

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><p>No, I didn't write the actual break-up scene, I had already made myself sad enough just writing everything else and I had pretty much depressed myself for the rest of the day (pure stupidity on my part there). Hope you liked it anyway.<p> 


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